Wake up: Hamsters Aren’t Cute; They’re Homicidal Misandrist Cannibals
For some people in Japan, fondness for the rear ends of hamsters have been around for a while, but it was only until recently that the world discovered that there are Facebook pages, Twitter account, and even published photobooks of hamster asses that people go “ooh” and “aww” over. The trend, “hamuketsu,” is a mash-up of the words “hamster” and “ketsu,” which means “ass.”
In the last few years, a succession of picture books dedicated to hamster ass have been published with titles such as Hamuketsu , Hamuketsu so Cute that you will Faint in Agony, and Original Hamuketsu . If you want to read more about—or view—some hamster ass, you can even purchase a book in English.
While some people in Japan want to lay their eyes on a piece of what they think is cute hamster ass, little do they know the origin of these creatures. For Jewish biologist, Israel Aharoni, taking these creatures from the hills of Aleppo, Syria and bringing them back to laboratories was a difficult task in which he almost failed at. As soon as he placed them in a box to take them back to Jerusalem, the mother started to devour her children.
“I saw the [mother] hamster harden her heart and sever with ugly cruelty the head of the pup that approached her most closely,” Aharoni wrote in his memoirs.
He made it back to Israel with nine out of the eleven hamsters surviving. At the lab, five of the creatures chewed their way through the wooden cage and escaped, never to be found. Then there were four—until the large remaining male hamster devoured a female. Desperate to save the remaining three, Aharoni’s colleague, separated the hamsters temporarily. He then prepared a cage, and inside placed a female hamster and her brother. The brother then chased around his sister. Putting it nicely in Aharoni’s colleague’s words, God “nudged a single wheel of the uncountable wheels of nature—and a miracle happened.”
But really, what happened was that the brother raped his sister, and from that incestuous union spawned millions of hamsters that now populate cages around the world and pose for ass pictures.
You know what’s cute Prairie Voles. They’re loving monogamous rodents. As noted in the article, What Rodents Tell Us About Why Humans Love. Check out this excerpt. Notice the casual reference to the vile hamster.
Astonished, he took his findings to Sue Carter, a colleague at the University of Illinois who was working on hamster endocrinology. Female hamsters routinely slaughter and eat their sexual partners. “That’s what I thought was normal,” Carter recalls. She was unprepared for the voles’ attachment to their partners, or what turned out to be long-lasting and passionate mating sessions (“We had to put them on time-lapse video. No one could sit there for 40 hours!”).
Next time, you’re fawning over a cute hamster butt, look closely and you may notice the blood stained hairs that are probably the trace evidence of their cannibalized lover or children after passing through their digestive system into a smelly pile of hamster shit.Cute, my ass!